Sex on Screen: What Babygirl Got Wrong About BDSM
Round of Milk for the Table, Anyone?
This weekend, my partner and I went to see Babygirl at the cinema. I’d heard a few whispers - that it was a “sexy” film exploring a Dom/sub dynamic, starring Nicole Kidman. We decided to go in blind and skipped the trailer entirely.
I have several thoughts about this film, but let me say this upfront:
as a handbook to BDSM, it was absolutely not it.
What frustrates me most about poor representations of sex on screen - and we see this again and again - is that filmmakers have a choice. Art is meant to challenge, provoke, and say something meaningful. But Hollywood? Hollywood loves scandal. It flirts with taboo without ever bothering to understand it.
And Babygirl had so much potential.
It could have explored the electric intimacy of a Dom/sub dynamic, the depth of trust required, the eroticism of surrender when it’s done well. Instead, we were given another lazy, surface-level portrayal of power and desire - one that ultimately does more harm than good.
Because here’s the thing: people model their behaviour on what they see. Especially when they’re new to something. Bad portrayals don’t just make for weak storytelling - they create wildly inaccurate expectations.
Kink is already misunderstood. Lazy narratives reinforce the idea that BDSM is dangerous, dysfunctional, or reserved for “damaged” people. And when submissive women are repeatedly portrayed as fragile, broken, or powerless, it directly impacts how women’s desire is perceived.
Is a submissive woman always just a victim - or is she actively in control of her pleasure?
How BDSM is misrepresented on screen
Kink and BDSM are consistently misrepresented in mainstream media, and I worry that audiences who went to see Babygirl expecting a sexy exploration of power will walk away with a deeply skewed understanding of what a real Dom/sub dynamic actually looks like.
I’m not a card-carrying member of the BDSM community myself, but as a Certified Sex Educator, I deeply care about how all expressions of sexuality are represented in culture.
One thing people need to understand is this: the BDSM world is not some lawless, anything-goes playground. It is built on structure, communication, and consent. It is thoughtful. Intentional. Safe.
People within kink communities are famously known - by those who know - as some of the best communicators out there.
And yet Babygirl would have us believe that a couple actively engaging in a Dom/sub dynamic would treat a safeword as an afterthought, with little to no discussion of boundaries.
That’s not edgy.
That’s just bad storytelling.
Why this actually matters
This isn’t me being pedantic or overly “sex nerdy.” This is a real concern.
Like 50 Shades before it, this kind of portrayal emboldens the world’s amateur Doms - and trust me, Feeld is full of them. But being a Dom isn’t about control for control’s sake. It’s not about barking orders or fulfilling an ego fantasy.
A power dynamic must be navigated with care, attunement, and responsibility. Without that? It’s not kink, it’s abuse.
There’s a common misconception that talking about consent and boundaries kills the spark. That communication ruins the mood.
In reality, it does the exact opposite.
When you know exactly what’s on the table (and what’s not) you can relax into the experience. You can surrender fully. You can push edges and explore desire without hesitation, because trust has been established.
And trust? That’s the real aphrodisiac.
Power, desire, and safety in surrender
For those this way inclined, it’s also worth naming this truth: people in positions of immense power often crave submission. To be relieved - even temporarily - from responsibility, decision-making, and control.
But when Hollywood depicts this desire, it’s never framed as a release. Never as something nourishing or erotic. It’s always portrayed as perverse, dangerous, or destructive.
Submission is shown as something that ruins marriages, jeopardises careers, and fractures lives.
And that’s the real tragedy.
Because eroticism isn’t just about power. It’s about safety in surrender.
And that’s the part they never seem to get right.
What do you think? Have you seen Babygirl?
Did it land for you - or miss the mark entirely?
I’ll be sharing more on this over the coming weeks - unpacking BDSM misconceptions, power dynamics, and how to explore desire in ways that feel hot and safe. If you’re into that, stick around.
Want to go deeper?
I designed a free BDSM Basics guide in response to this film. If you’re curious about this world, get your free guide here, and join the waitlist for my upcoming BDSM for Beginners course.
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