Sex on Screen: Why Heated Rivalry Gets Intimacy Right
As a Certified Sex Educator and horny gal, I love seeing sex depicted on screen and I love media that tackles sex and intimacy head-on. But, I often find myself disappointed in on-screen portrayals of sex and am quick to criticise shows or movies when they get things so wrong - ala my Babygirl review last year.
So, when I heard that a popular queer MM (male/male) hockey smut book had been adapted in to a TV series - I was curious, but hesitant about how it would translate.
And girl, let me tell you - I was blown away (much like Shane and Ilya were all season iykyk).
This show is perfect. I’m obsessed. It’s sexy as fuck (we’ll talk about those sex scenes soon!), it’s romantic, it’s sweet and cute and heartbreaking and heartwarming and just so beautiful.
Come for the horny sex, stay for the love story.
No word of a lie - I’ve watched the final episode 8 times now. The whole series three times over. And I’m never a repeat watcher of anything. That’s how much I fucking love this show.
I’m not one to be so easily impressed by so-called sexy shows. My boyfriend jokes that my go-to line while watching any romance is “Just have a fucking conversation”. I’m usually frustrated by the ‘poor communication skills’ trope, and almost always utterly dismayed by poor portrayals of (typically hetero) sex scenes.
But this show? It got everything right.
Sex scenes that actually serve the story
The sex scenes got a big ol’ sex educator tick of approval from me. I loved that they really went for it with the portrayal of sex in this show. No boring ‘clothes in a pile’ or ‘fade to black’ moments - this show did not shy away from simulating sex.
It would have been so easy to just show rough and tumble sex scenes and call it a day. But they were so intentional with how it was portrayed. Every single sex scene is unique and interesting and attention grabbing. Not only are they super fucking sexy, but these scenes are integral to the storyline. The characters develop their relationship over the span of ten years, only ever really getting a chance to meet in secret a few times a year. Through the sex scenes we see their dynamic shift and change and ultimately we watch their affection grow and their love bloom - all through the lens of sex. It’s so human in this way.
I think part of the magnetism of this show and these scenes for the female audience is this delicious blend of raw sexy masculinity and tender vulnerability which many straight women have never had the chance to witness in their own relationships with men and certainly not in heterosexual on-screen depictions.
Breaking tired sexual scripts
As an audience, we’re all very used to seeing the classic sexual script played out on screen between a man and a woman: make out a bit, maybe a blowjob, thrust thrust done. And it’s pretty unsatisfying to watch - particularly for women. In fact, much of what I do in my coaching work is rewriting sexual scripts and empowering my clients to prioritise their pleasure and not accept this boring bare minimum status quo.
Here’s what else I loved about how this show portrayed sex for the audience:
Constant consent and check ins
Ilya is often the one guiding their encounters and asks multiple times if Shane is okay and if it’s okay to keep going. He doesn’t just get consent at the top of the scene but checks in throughout. Consent King, we love.
In our ‘Skip’ episode, we get both characters asking one another throughout the episode, “Can I fuck you now”, with a perfectly clear and enthusiastic “Absolutely” in response. It shows how simple, yet hot consent can be.
Condom use
I loved that they demonstrate safe sex when they show the condoms before having anal sex for the first time. This is something many shows gloss over, and I think it’s important to see the real and super important aspects of sex depicted.
Real connection and care
Even when it was casual, even when they were trying really hard not to fall for one another (bless them). They always made eye contact during sex - something I feel is so underrated. Intentional eye contact during sex can make someone feel present and like they’re the one being chosen rather than used.
I love the contrast of how Ilya is brazen and tough on the surface but he’s always soft with Shane. There are these beautiful moments, leading in to and during their sex scenes where he will gently caress Shane’s face, where he kisses him tenderly. And then they often have these intense and passionate encounters. I just love how dynamic it is. It really shows that good sex can be both hot and tender.
So. Much. Kissing
These boys KISS. I’m always a big advocate for a good make out sesh. Not only does it feel good, but our lips are an erogenous zone and the act of kissing gets our blood flowing to all the right places. In almost every sex scene (except thatone) there’s a lot of kissing in the lead up and throughout. This also makes that unsent text of Shane’s extra heartbreaking (iykyk) because it speaks to how different sex feels when kissing is absent.
No rushing or coercion
I know, I know. Low fucking bar, right? But honestly, to witness the scene where Ilya is keen for anal but Shane isn’t ready and it is simply accepted? It felt deeply important. Shane’s comfort was completely respected and Ilya didn’t try to convince him
No violence
The bar is in hell, I know. But think about how often we see graphic, harmful sex scenes (assault and rape) depicted on screens because it’s somehow “for the plot”. But when it comes to romance, it’s typically a fade to black. I think that alone shows a lot of what is wrong with our society and its views on sex. Heated Rivalry changed the narrative entirely, showing two equals having all types of sex - playful, passionate, casual, romantic. No power imbalances or violence needed.
Heated Rivalry is easily one of the first shows I’ve ever felt has depicted sex right. It’s not perfect, and I recognise works of fiction aren’t designed to be educational. However, I would have loved to see just a couple more things.
Lubricant use
I thought the lack of even a mention, a simple nod to the fact that they had lube handy - especially for all the anal sex these boys were doing - was a bit wild. The anus is not self lubricating, people! You can cause serious harm if you go in raw - and no, your own fluids like pre-cum or spit are nowhere near adequate. I would have appreciated at least a second of them grabbing the lube bottle, or even a nightstand shot with a big ol bottle of lube sitting pretty. On the topic of lube or lack-thereof - I didn’t love the spitting on the hand for the frotting/mutual handjob scene. Look, was it hot? Yes. Sanitary? Debatable. For two men, probably not as big an issue - but as a woman, using spit as a lubricant just scream pH imbalance to me.
Anal prep
This got me! Absolutely no mention of prepping yourself for anal sex or douching. On the topic, director Jacob Tierney had this to say:
"People are like, When did Shane prep? This is not a documentary. You wanna watch them douche? You want me to include Shane in the bathroom for half an hour with the f---ing enema? That’s not what we’re doing here. We’re skipping that part."
And I get it. It doesn’t need it’s own scene and honestly, it’s not always 100% necessary but I do think maybe a line about him prepping could have been worthwhile.
It would be absolutely no surprise to me if this show inspires more people (of all genders and sexual orientations) to try anal sex. If you’re curious, join the waitlist for my upcoming Anal 101 course here.
I’m so thrilled to finally see sex portrayed well on screen, and can’t wait (literally I cannot) until Season 2 comes out next year. Best believe I’ll be reviewing that season too. In the meantime, do yourself a favour and get yourself to the cottage.
Want to go deeper?
If you’re inspired to try out anal for the first time, or hone your skills - check out my Anal 101 course here.
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